In flux

So, last night my "best friend"... (I feel so silly saying that at my age but she and I discussed it and came to the conclusion that there's no better way to say it b/c frankly the term 'girlfriend' when used in that way is just gay). Anyway, my bestie and I had an old school spend-the-night party at her house. We piled up and watched movies, drank wine, and talked about boys and life. All in all it was pretty cute, but it made me realize how in transition my life really is right now.

Even though she is my best friend and I can tell her anything, I felt a little out of place. Not because of anything she said or did but I just realized that I don't really have a place in the world right now...if that makes sense. (As if anything I say ever does). Well, let me clarify - things have just changed so much now and I think I'm finally nearing the end of my transition from childhood to true adulthood; however, I'm not entirely sure where I fit in that world right now.

I used to always feel like I had a place. I was someone's girlfriend for the longest, and my life always seemed to revolve around supposedly building our life and planning our future. Obviously that was a bust, lol, but even then I felt like I had purpose. Now, I can't really wrap my brain around my own existence in the world. It just seems like everyone else is moving on and I'm standing here...not necessarily in quick sand, but more like I'm floating along on a lilly pad when everyone else has a speed boat. At the very least, can a sister get a canoe?!

I'm starting to become focused/motivated with my business ventures again, which is great but there's still a part of me that's missing and I so badly want to be whole. That's so cliche but so true.